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Friday, April 30, 2010

Lottery Vs Hooters

Y’all,

Recently, the PowerBall Lottery was $252 million.

To increase my chance of winning, I spent $100 on lottery tickets. However, doing so caused the Devil Woman to become highly POed which gave me mental pain. My pain was amplified because, not only did I not win the 252M, I didn’t even win a free ticket.


Joe!! We’re both retired and living on a fixed income. But, you spent $100 on lottery tickets with zero gain! How can you justify that?

That’s easy, W. I came up with two choices for spending that money. Either, go to Hooters or buy lottery tickets.

My first choice was Hooters. But as I thought more about it, I figured that you’d be mad-as-hell if I spent $100 for a small burger, two glasses of wine and a chat with a Hooters waitress.

So, instead, I concluded, by spending $100 on lottery tickets, that if I hit the $252 million dollar PowerBall jack-pot, I might get a date with Monique and you could have that new lawn chair set that you like. See, I wuz thinking of you, Baby-Doll.

I dunno why but at this point in the conversation, the damn She-Devil became really enraged and I seriously mean REALLY ENRAGED.

Wut's up with that reaction? Lordy-- Lordy-- Lordy, I can not figure-out that woman! GAWDDDDDDDDD!

By the way, if any of Y’all know of a good face and body reconstructive surgeon, I could use one pronto.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Back Home From On The Road

The DC-NY-MA road-trip was a fun time. Five people and two dogs in a conversion van -- luggage stacked floor to near ceiling behind the rear seat. Not the Griswold family but close.

My main job was hang’n-out with Fred and Rocky while everyone else went sightseeing-- kewl -- call me happy Joe.

In DC, the view from Bridget’s Apt over-looks much of the city. Bridg was a super tour guide. She knows DC well and showed us around. Bridget is a party person, like her momma, so knows all the fun places and restaurants. Britt and Dave visited several museums while Pat, the Dawgs and I ventured out on our own. I've been there a bunch of times, yet I still find D.C. impressive -- the monuments, the government buildings (Congress, Senate, Whitehouse, monuments, science and culture museums, etc.) awesome!

In NYC, Dave and Bridget went to the Letterman show -- it’s taped starting about 2PM for broadcast later that night. They really enjoyed the show. Meanwhile DW and Brittany drove around NYC for two or so hours sightseeing until picking up Bridg and Dave. As a teen, Britt was a “serious” Beatles fan and the previous time in NYC had to go to Central Park and see the Strawberry Fields memorial for John Lennon plus his house and the place where he was killed. However, she didn’t want to re-visit there on this trip. She and Pat did drive by 911 Ground-Zero. --- Please: pause for remembrance, respect and prayer ---

In MA, of course, Boston University, where Bridget spent her freshman year had to be visited in addition to the local attractions.  Many good memories for Bridgie-Poo and us as well.

As Y’all know, I am a magnet for witches. Why? I don’t know. Therefore, I find the history and background of the Salem Witch trials to be especially fascinating.

A little background.

Despite being generally known as the "Salem" witch trials, the preliminary hearings in 1692 were conducted in a variety of towns across the province: Salem Village, Ipswich, Andover and Salem Town. The best-known trials were conducted by the Court of Oyer and Terminer in 1692 in Salem Town.

The events which led to the Witch Trials actually occurred in what is now the town of Danvers, then a parish of Salem Town, known as Salem Village.

In February, 1692, three accused women were examined by Magistrates Jonathan Corwin and John Hathorne. Corwin's home, known as the Witch House, still stands at the corner of North and Essex Streets in Salem.

By the time the hysteria had spent itself, 24 people had died. Nineteen were hanged on Gallows Hill in Salem Town, but some died in prison.

Upon our arrival in Salem, for unknown reasons to me, Pat covered her face with a scarf and took-on a low-profile demeanor. As she did so, a church bell rang for no apparent reason. The only other time that I’ve seen her act this way was during our previous visit to Salem when Bridget attended BU. As we walked, I said to Pat, we’ve been here before, let’s go to Danvers and visit “the real Salem”. With a weird hissing sound, SD said NOOOOOOOOOO!

I then noticed that Brittany’s eyes glowed a bright orange color, causing young children to scream and run. Dave looked worried and began to sweet profusely.

While walking near Bridget, a Nun became engulfed in a spontaneous fire, however fast-acting passers-by were able to extinguish it and saved her life.

What coincidences.

With all the planned destinations visited, we reversed the path and headed home. Got Bridget back to her Arlington VA Apt in time for her next GWU class. Then dropped-off Britt, Dave and Rocky at their home in Oak Park, IL. We had planned on spending the night in Chicago because the drive from Pittsburg was long but I talked Pat into finishing the 5 Hr drive to O’Fallon to get us home by Midnight. I told her that I’d drive but she ignored me and instead drove the entire way. Once home, she was tired but happy. However, I placed an Ad in the newspaper for a food taster, just in case.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Disco And The Supernatural

As we were driving in the North East, passing through small towns and large cities, the Bs and Dave are asleep in back of the Van as Pat and I exchange occasional small talk.


I use the term small talk loosely because the DW always has a "large" purpose for every conversation that she participates in.

Therefore, I was not surprised when W said: Joe, looking back after all these years, I still find it odd that when we met, you being 31 years old, never married and very aloof but then radically changed. Tell me, what caused that -- and why?

Bay-bee, we have discussed this before -- several times.  Some of my previous replies could have been better stated, so I'll try again.  I believe this was mostly Seti's fault. Sure, I did change a bit too but this was largely Seti’s doing.

Seti! What is Seti? You have not mentioned such a term before.

Dwal’n, Seti is an entity that has existed for 10s of thousands of years -- dating back to the first appearance of humans on earth. Seti is the spirit of a powerful ancient Medicine Man.

I do not believe any of that, Joe. You are trying to mess with my mind and I’m not buying it.

Her eyes narrowed - both puzzlement and disgust on her face. I could tell the wheels were spinning in her mind.

You have finally lost one of your last two remaining active brain cells. I asked you a serious question but you are making zero sense.

Pat, it’s real. I don’t know all the hows and whys – it’s mystifying – mostly what I know is from on-line research. Seti has power and for some hard to understand reason, can possess a person causing strange - unpredictable behavior. When we met at the Marriott’s Disco, Seti descended upon and controlled me -- guiding me without my free will.  This remained so for the four years that we dated and when we were married.

That’s spooky, Joe. What does all this mean?

It is spooky, W, this entire subject gives me the willies and shouldn’t be toyed with.  I really don’t want to talk about it, so let’s just drop it.

This is scary alright but I’m not dropping anything. You brought-up this Seti conversation, so bring it all out.

Dwal’n, I’m nervous having this discussion but I owe you an explanation.  Seti is just a nickname that I use. I chose the nickname based on the acronym, SETI (Search for ExtraTerrestrial Intelligence) -- a research institute started in part by the late world renowned scientist, Dr Carl Sagan.

However, from what I’ve learned, Seti's proper name is Alberto Kushan Halltonau.

Furthermore, Alberto Kushan Halltonau has a mischievous side. Dating back to the earliest archeological evidence, he has existed among mortal humans, causing people significant trouble for unknown reasons.

Joe, I have never heard of anyone by that name. What part did Seti play in our meeting and why?

Patricia, If not for Seti, we’d never have met and I’d still be single.

I had no idea. Is Seti really that powerful?

Yes, he is, W.

Most people do not know his full name - Alberto Kushan Halltonau, but likely know the shortened version -- Al K Hall.

…… The surgery took 6-hours. Now, two days later, I have less swelling but my headaches continue. With pain medication and crutches, I can get around slowly. I hope to be released from the hospital within the next three weeks.

Happy A.F. Everyone.